time to get off the comp and turn off the phone
wtf is this.
im a effed up emotional mess right now.
like…im pissed.
but im devastated..
and i dont know why…
not ready for those walls to come down…
not ready for the opening of my heart to someone capable of causing me pain in order to let in feelings of complete adoration and express feelings of love.
im not ready for the closeness that a relationship brings; hugs, kisses, tenderness. cuz once its there u have to stop thinking that it will go…so when it does…if it does there’s hurt
im not ready to depend on someone else for anything…ive just come to terms with deciding i dont need to be loved..im not ready to get back to that infantile state of dependency on someone elses feelings for me.
—
truth is im scared of being in love.
its one thing to love someone.
its another thing entirely to be in love.
to love some one you dont have to share anything with anyone.
you dont even need interaction, just a deep connection to that person..
to be in love you need much more…
im not ready for that.
